Why I can never be a book reviewer

I love reading. I LOOOOVE writing. So then…why do I suck at writing about reading?

Case in point: The other day, I was organizing my GoodReads virtual bookshelves, while also, curiously, reading a few of my “reviews” from books I read a while back.

After laughing/cringing at my obvious incompetence, I thought I’d share some of my more random, half-hearted reviews.
Enjoy. At my expense.
(Book titles have been removed. For your protection and mine.)
(via: blueleah)
This was cute, but the guy needed to be hotter sooner. I was too confused and scared. But in the end it was cute.
The only reason I didn’t give this one star is because I don’t want to go to hell. Seriously though, I was bored to tears.
Predictable and not enough love. Her other books are better. I did manage to learn a thing or two about greyhounds and building a staircase in the Cotswolds, however.
Clever writing, lots of kissing, no sex.  Safe for your mom!  

Pretty cute. I liked the beginning and end the best. The middle was a bit annoying. The chick was just so stupid.

I liked thinking about this afterwards more than actually reading it. Still worth the 4 stars. Easy read.

Is this a story about a fat girl who hates herself? 
or about a girl getting dumbed? 
or a girl with Daddy issues? 
or a girl who gets knocked up? 
Disc 2 got stuck in my cd player. I took that as a sign to stop. Bored anyway.
Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME??? One star was generous! Why put me through all that? And for what? I’m still so annoyed!!!!

Yes!–5 Stars. A perfect book. Exceptional, stunning writing, emotional. I laughed, I sobbed, I wanted to be friends with these boys.

Couldn’t finish this one. Too much weird circus freak naked. And not enough story. Buh-bye.

Interesting concept. But ended up kind of lame.
Whatever. I liked it.
Very cute. However, reminds me SO MUCH of MY book that I’m trying to get published (theme-wise, that is). Weird….
I’ve had better.
Big, stupid cow! Couldn’t relate to her. She was a big, stupid cow!  (My earlier review of same book at the halfway point:  You big, stupid COW! Men aren’t mind-readers, you big, stupid COW!!)
Cute. Some bits were a tad slow because of all the fabric and alpaca talk, but the guy was bossy and hot. I like that in a man. 🙂
Not great but didn’t hate.
This was a 2.5 rating. Could have been higher if the girl wasn’t so annoying and there wasn’t so much “dry rot” talk.
I really loved this. I wasn’t sure where the story was going at first, and I didn’t trust any of the weirdo characters. But then….I fell in love with these weirdos. Great message, nothing disturbing or shocking. To me, it’s kind of a cross between “Fight Club” and “Pay It Forward.” I know….
Bored. Weird.
Creepy good time. Wonder if the movie is any good
Er. I can’t believe she wasted her time on THIS instead of giving us Midnight Sun! This added nothing to Eclipse, but only managed to further tick me off as Stuffy again chose to break her own rules. Blah!
Cool, creepy story. Kind of a combo of “Rebecca,” “Jane Eyre,” and “Wuthering Heights.”
I feel like a failure since I can’t finish this. But…I JUST DON’T CARE! Maybe I’ll rent the movie…

8 thoughts on “Why I can never be a book reviewer

  1. Suze says:

    Hysterical… and now we're playing the game of 'which book is she talking about'! Well the Twilight one was a gimme 🙂

  2. Ophelia London says:

    I was going to add all the book titles at the end, and make it a little game to see who could get the most correct. But then that seemed like soooo much work. 🙂

  3. Rachel Harris says:

    LOL I agree, I would love to know what these books are….the fun thing about one and two star reviews is that sometimes the reviews are so funny that it makes me want to read it ❤

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