Very Useful Rules for Living, by Olivia Joules
1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.
2. No one is thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves, just like you.
3. Never change haircut or color before an important event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, “Does it really matter?”
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.
12. When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it’s really a disaster by doing the following: (a) think, “oh, screw it,” (b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn’t work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don’t expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don’t regret anything. Remember that wasn’t anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting something and thinking, “I should have done…” always add, “but then I might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a Japanese-manned torpedo.”
She’s so wise, that Olivia Joules. And fearless.
Borrowed from Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, by the ever fabulous Helen Fielding, who also brought us Bridget Jones.