Category: movies

suckfest

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I’ve never written a movie review. But the one I watched over the weekend is just so special, I can’t help but immortalize it here. Or maybe I just need to get this off my chest before I explode.
 
Super 8 is a terrible movie.

I don’t mean to be snarky here, but seriously, it is so incredibility, puke-ily bad. Just, ugh, bad.

Is it a comedy? Is it a slice of 1970’s-ish suburban/steel mill life? Is it a pre-teen buddy movie? I don’t know. But I didn’t get it.
“Oh, drugs are so bad.”  (Really. That was a line.)

To spare me reliving the painful minutia of the plot (such as it was), I’ll describe Super 8 as a cross between Goonies and ET. . . without the charm. Or acting. Or cute kids. Or a story that makes sense. It is ugly and stupid and I wanted to turn it off before I even understood what the “thing” was. 

Spielberg (producer) should’ve  taken his own post-Jaws advice of “don’t show the shark.” I mean. . . .what was that “thing” anyway? From what I could make out, it was a combination of the creature from Alien and one of those annoying Transformer things. Remember that one sucky M. Night Shyamalan movie, Signs? Yeah, same thing. Don’t show the shark.  Please.

At one point, I was repeating lines in my head from other movies. Seriously, it could’ve ended with “ET, phone home,” or “Goonies never say die!” and it would’ve made more sense.  

To be fair, there was one bit that I enjoyed. Toward the beginning when the townspeople started freaking out about the “thing,” they were convinced it was the Communist Russians. That gave me a warm sense of nostalgia. 


So. To sum up. Stay far away. Oh, and the DVD didn’t have a single “DVD Extras.” Now that’s really offensive.

"To me. . .you are perfect…"

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“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion….love actually is all around.” 
loveactually

"To me. . .you are perfect…"

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“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion….love actually is all around.” 
loveactually

Writing Inspirations – The movies, part 2

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Why I love The Long, Hot Summer
(1958, story by William Faulkner, starring Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward)

“I am a human being, do you know what that means? It means I set a price on myself, a high, high price. You might be surprised to know it but I have quite a lot to give. I’ve got things I’ve been saving up my whole life. Things like love and understanding and jokes and good times and good cooking. I’m prepared to be the Queen of Sheba for some lucky man or at least the best wife that any man could hope for. That’s my human history.” 
 
“I like life. I like it so much I just might live forever.”

Plus, Paul Newman’s eyes are really blue…..

Writing Inspirations – The movies, part 2

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Why I love The Long, Hot Summer
(1958, story by William Faulkner, starring Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward)

“I am a human being, do you know what that means? It means I set a price on myself, a high, high price. You might be surprised to know it but I have quite a lot to give. I’ve got things I’ve been saving up my whole life. Things like love and understanding and jokes and good times and good cooking. I’m prepared to be the Queen of Sheba for some lucky man or at least the best wife that any man could hope for. That’s my human history.” 
 
“I like life. I like it so much I just might live forever.”

Plus, Paul Newman’s eyes are really blue…..

Writing Inspirations – the movies, part 1

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Why I love Cactus Flower….
( 1969, screenplay by I.A.L. Diamond, adapted from the stage play by Abe Burrows. 
Starring: Goldie Hawn, Ingrin Burgman & Walter Matthau)

Because of clever dialogue like this……..
“Hey, in there!” (Banging on the door)  “Is something wrong? Hey, I smell gas!”

“Julian……”

“I’m not Julian. Wake up.”

“Julian……kiss me…..”

“Sorry, Julian, whoever you are.”

“What are you doing?”

“Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”

“You were kissing me.”

“I lost my head.”

“How did you get in here? I don’t remember–“

“You left the gas on.”

“Gas? Oh…..I’m alive? I blew it! I blew it! Oh, boy, I really blew it!

“Take it easy. You’re lucky I broke in.”

“Why did you?”

“I thought you were dying.”

“Well, that was the whole idea.”
“Okay, lady, that’s the last time you catch me saving your life…..and as it happens, you were going about it all wrong. I believe you’re supposed to put your head in the stove.”
“It’s a second-hand stove–there were no directions.”

“Why did you do it? Because of Julian?”

“How do you know about Julian?”

“You called me that while you were kissing me.”

“I wasn’t kissing you, you were kissing me. And by the way…..is that all you did?”

“There wasn’t much time.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I should be grateful. What’s your name?”

“Igor Sullivan.”
“Igor Sullivan. That’s wild.”
“I made it up.”
“How come you picked Igor?”
“Igor’s my own. I made up the Sullivan. It’s a good name for a writer.”
“You’re a writer? You’re the writer! The one who keeps pounding on his typewriter all night. You drive me crazy!”
“Why didn’t you complain? I could’ve met you earlier.”